Quotes

Character Generation

• "An abomination is like a cyborg, but cooler." "How so?" "It's like a cyborg demon." — Nick & Amber
• "We never kissed, but we ought to have. He sent me explosives in the mail." — Theresa
• "Oh, wow, your house is a little rectangle!" "You just said that to get onto the quote page." "I know. Why do you think I said it?" — Neel & Amber

Episode One

• "He's writing down numbers. Why is he writing down numbers?" "Because those are initiative numbers for ninjas.— Theresa & Neel
• "It was evil. We stopped it." — Toren
• "Technically, that's murder, but they were ninjas." — Toren's Angelic Parole Officer
• "You've got this conscience thing." "No. I'm a demon." — The Angel & Toren
• "Help Mother Theresa, hurt Darth Vader." "Mother Theresa's dead, and Darth Vader's fictional." — The Angel & Toren, again
• "There could be booby traps." "Boobies, yes. Traps, no." — Prometheus & Cassandra
• "He's got a club full of supermodels and he's sitting there looking at them? Yeah, he can't get it up." — Prometheus
• "Why are you here? This is my lair." It must be very hard to sleep here, with all the music and the dancing, which is why I'm here." "It does not bother me. I am very masculine." — Ulrïch & Cassandra
• "Morvant is my partner." "In that sexy bi-way?" — Ulrïch & Cassandra

Episode Two

• "Think ahead? We can't even think behind!" — Theresa
• "Well, you really got the drop on them, Miss Can-See-The-Future." — Prometheus
• "I'm transforming into my warform too, but I don't get as big a budget as him, because wererats always get shafted." — Andrés
• "I wanna kill the big one, that's what I wanna do!" — Cassandra
• "You're covered in broken glass, but you don't notice, because you've been shot." — Neel
• "What I'd like to do with Ulfrïch is first stab him, and then run over him." — Cassandra
• "Tire tracks for the stupid dog!" — Cassandra
• "It's like a ninja. A big, hulking ninja." — Cassandra
• "I use the momentum to power my leap forward." "The werewolf also uses the momentum to power his leap into the asphalt." — Cassandra & Neel
• "How do you take someone out?" "You send the Angel of Death after him." "That's your solution to everything!" — Toren & his Parole Officer
• 'You don't really look like you have the build for martial arts." "But she's Asian!" — Cleo & Prometheus
• "There's a different between kinda casually hyperviolent and actively looks for babies to kick off railings just to see them fall." — Neel
• 'I'm not evil. I'm just kinda excitable." — Cassandra

Episode Three

• "I have an idea, but it might get you shot—ooh I have two ideas, but they both might get you shot." "I am, in fact, in favor of getting shot, as I get experience for it." — Theresa & Nick
• "Basically, they get in a circle around you and shoot you a lot." — Neel
• "I think the gazebo should explode, because you've disrupted the circle." — Neel
• "Daaaaamn Catholics! I blame the Pope." — Toren
• "A bonding moment with the tentacle monster?" "God damn it, why am I not there?" "No, no, no, I said bonding moment, not bondage moment." — Andrés, Theresa, & Neel
• "The enemy of my enemy is obviously my friend." "Your dead friend." — Alex & Theresa
• "So why is she not attractive? Is that a Nazi thing?" — Alex
• "500 souls to the first one to catch him!" "Hell, for that much, I'd go for it!" — Carstairs & Cassandra
• "So, enough about the bustiest member of our group." "No!" — Prometheus & Cassandra
• "…a magical mafia who, on the street, is known as La Cosa Nostradamus." — Neel
• "But really, were you about to say that something a demon did doesn't seem fair?" — Cassandra
• "I get distracted for 30 seconds, you start talking about sex fantasies." "Succubus!" — Someone & Cassandra
• "Nutmeg! In a summoning! Nutmeg is for cookies!" — Cassandra

Episode Four

• 'And we stole some stuff." "Like you. We stole you." "Actually, it was more you stole him." "If I'd known about him, I probably wouldn't have." — Cassandra, Prometheus, Neel, & Awktavis
• "Black leather's good too. Black leather loincloth." — Cassandra
• "Man, Andrés is still typing. How much of that conversation has he got down?" — Theresa
• "Angels. They're like the Federation without the cool starships." — Alex
• "At least you can still buy a Russian pickle in Germany." — Awktavis
• "Much like werewolves, sport utility vehicles flip over and explode." — Neel
• "You people just keep hostages around normally?" "No, but given the circumstances, I think we'll make that standard practice." — Toren & Zina
• "I'm glad our relationship is getting back on the proper footing." "That would be me kicking your ass. Repeatedly. Until the end of time." — Zina & Toren
• "Who the hell are you people?" "We're PCs. We're infinitely destructive, and we have the tenacity of sharks." — Carstairs & Cassandra
• "You're freeing the demon?!" "It's okay; he's my partner, by which I mean detective partner, not domestic partner sort-of-thing." — Telemachus & Promotheus
• "I have this bazooka. I might as well use it." — Awktavis
• "Oh no! It's the son! Fuck! I knew I was forgetting something…" —  Awktavis

Episode Five

• "Her presence here ruins our status as a non-prophet organization." "Hi-yah!" "I think you're made that exact joke before." — Andrés, Theresa, & Amber
• "Old people cause kidney stones." "I haven't been eating old people." "Soylent Grey is made of old people." — Amber, Andrés, & Neel
• "He was kinda hot, in an evil sort of way. He's like the evil Jesuit Grand Vizier." — Neel
• "So, it looks like we've got good cop, bad cop, hot cop, quiet cop, and crazy cop. We'll be doing your interrogating for this evening." — Prometheus
• "We've got a cult. It's like a cause without all that work." — Cleo
• "Because if you leave the body of Christ sitting around for a few days, it gets pretty rank." — Prometheus
• "So, more or less offensive than the Jesus with a bladder infection?" — Andrés
• "We can make it dark. That's a dark power." — Prometheus
• "If there's not a Key of the Asshole, I need to make one up." — Prometheus
• "That's it. We're burning this place down too." — Prometheus
• "This is a vampire's house. There are ghosts." — Awktavis
• "Orlando got all the 'pick up chicks' superpowers and not the 'see in the dark' superpowers." "Dominate, Seduction, … Intrusion." — Neel & Amber

Episode Six

• "That's what happens when you recruit LARPers." — Andrés
• "Lets hear his version of the events of the night." "I like the badgering." "Don't worry, we can badger him later when he starts lying." — Toren & Prometheus
• "So, do you vampires find nosebleeds strangely erotic?" — Prometheus
• "You're like a saint or a prophet or a cult leader or something. They're all the same." — Toren
• "You deserve it, and we already haven't killed you twice. That's how good we are." — Prometheus
• "Why do I get myself into such troubles?" "Because you keep talking." — Awktavis & Prometheus
• "Why did we let him out of the coffin anyway?" "Because it was a chance to set off explosives." — Prometheus & Cassandra
• "She wasn't trying to protect you; she's just a murderous bitch." — Cleo
• "Stalin was like, 'Damn you, Hitler! Only I'm allowed to slaughter Ukrainians.'" — Neel
• "You have to know that the night is dangerous." "Yes, it's full of things like me in it." — Aramis & Cassandra
• "What should I sacrifice?" "That's a hard question…but not one I'm being paid to answer." — Aramis & Cassandra
• "Which do you prefer—Truth or Beauty?" — Prometheus

Episode Seven

• "Which means that in, like, twisted vampire logic, she's sexy." "Twisted vampire logic?!" — Neel & Cassandra
• "Now it has a van to deliver succubi to homeless people. That's a much better use for a van!" — Cassandra
• "It was my fault to assume you had any sort of human sympathy." — Aramis, to Cassandra
• "But they're good people! Well, the one of them who is a person." — Prometheus, on his co-workers
• "Lessee, I have no interest in you…because you're icky. So, all my other interests must be genuine." — Cassandra
• "Plan B is always to waltz in and shoot everything." — Prometheus
• "People who double-cross me don't get to walk around in the free world double-crossing me again and talking to other people to double-cross me with." — Cassandra
• "I'm concerned about my leather jacket. It wasn't cheap, you know." — Cassandra
• "Damn, they missed. Damn, they missed. Damn, they still missed!" — Awktavis, rolling to see if he gets hit
• "I like that we've been hired twice to find out the same thing." — Cassandra

Not Episode Eight

• "So there's crud. That's why you're wearing pants!" — Theresa

Episode Eight

• "That makes no sense." "And you expected something that came from me to make sense?" — Theo & Awktavis
• "Well, we can take the money and not tell you about it." — Theo
• "You're trying to use Seduction and your Key of Sleeping with People." "She does it all the time!" — Nick & Alex
• "Well, you work for an angel, so we're clearly agents of the Lord, and thus authorized to collect penances on his behalf." — Theo
• "Girl has needs!" "Which I don't fulfill, apparently." "Because you're not a bank." — Cassandra, Awktavis, & Theo
• "Balphazar? Don't know who he is, but we can whack him too. Sounds like a demon…" "He was one of the three magi!" "They went evil." — Theo, Neel, & Theo again
• "You show up at the French restaurant, and everyone's there in their expensive suits and ties, and you show up in your leather fetish gear." — Neel
• "Guess where I have my gun!" — Cassandra
• "Have you considered investing some XP in regeneration powers? Cause it looks like you're gonna need 'em." — Theo, to Telemachus
• "He's interning for us. Where did fine, bright, young model citizen enter into it? … You don't pay interns, do you?"" — Cassandra
• "And who are you?" "Trouble. Trouble in a tight shirt." — Atlas & Cassandra
• "If you've got money, I ain't biased." — Atlas
• "You ever done it with a rat before?" — Atlas
• "Actually, I prefer myself tied to a wheel." — Awktavis
• "As the late Carl Sagan used to say, 'Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.'" — Zina, in response to a flirt from Awktavis
• "I think we've gathered information. Now it's time to kill." — Cassandra
• "The plan may have just been immortality at the start. They've expanded now that they've done the easy part." — Toren

Episode Nine

• "I'll have to shoot you a lot more…while your character's having sex." — Neel
• "Many of the cannibal zombie pirates are dead, and the remainder are on fire." "I feel that's an improvement." — Neel & Cassandra
• "It's like the United Colors of Benetton, but different." — Cassandra, on the culturally diverse flaming cannibal zombie voodoo subway pirates
• "I believe this is the first fight I've run where I rolled one die for initiative and then nothing else." — Neel
• "Cahoots, bazoombas, there's so many slang terms…" — Cassandra
• "Having stealthily dispatched the zombies…" — Neel, on the PC's destruction of a trainload of zombies via high explosives
• "That's a shame. I would have liked to get to know you better…" "There's going to be an awful lot of confusion. No one would miss us if we slipped out for a little while." — Awktavis & Zina, arranging a tryst during a firefight
• "You have Leadership, right?" "No, but I have Deceit." — Cassandra & Theo
• "What exactly did you do to them?" "Something horrible." — Neel & Cassandra
• "Everyone always beats on the tentacle monster." — Andrés
• "Turn-ons: Fights, fire, zombies…" — Theresa
• "Demons. This is why I left Hell." — Cassandra
• "I don't want any Angst. There's too much Angst. I'm the cheery guy!" — Theo

Episode Nine

• "After all, succubi are known for their long-term loyalty." — Prometheus
• "Succubi can't be explained; we're just too awesome." — Cassandra
• "I think Transcendent Power would look good on you." "You see, that's the good thing about Transcendent Power—it's transparent." — Zina & Cassandra
• "That was the least successful cutting-the-hands-off-a-zombie I've ever seen." — Prometheus
• "It's like Thomas the Tank Engine, but evil." — Theresa
• "I think he's quoting something, but I don't know what it is." "Me neither; I'm just making it up as I go along." — Andrés & Alex
• "Maybe your husband would be up for a threesome?" — Awktavis, being helpful
• "Maybe she could do a Gift of the Magi type thing, where she sells her soul to get his soul back, and then there's hair clips involved, and it's bad all around." — Cassandra

Episode Ten

• "Yeah, I remember some simultaneous massive success." — Andrés, on Awktavis's interactions with Zina
• "Steel factories. I hate steel factories." — Prometheus
• "That's my giant pile of cash." — Cassandra
• "They were already dead when we killed most of them." — Prometheus
• "It was like the end of Saving Private Ryan, but with a car." — Prometheus
• "Wow, that's a lot of bad guys." — Neel
• "This guy's naked crotch has three points of armor!" "Well, he is hard." — Andrés & Neel
• "Let me look for the All-Purpose Setting Things on Fire Table." — Neel
• "Put a star next to Awktavis and Carstairs, so we remember they're on fire." — Neel
• "I didn't kill him the first time. I just drove a flaming Volvo into his house." — Prometheus
• "I do the victory dance…a little pole dance…Succubus." — Cassandra
• "I could have been a goddess…" "You were a goddess to me." — Zina & Awktavis
• "All the people I killed were bad. Does it matter what order they were born in." — Toren